I’ve been sitting on Cloverfield for a while now, promising to write a standard movie review on it.  Cloverfield is the story of a small group of people viewed from their perspective as a city is being attacked by a large Godzilla style monster.  I had watched it when it first came out in the movies, but that had been so long ago that I had only vague recollections of it being really stupid.  So I finally got a chance to watch it and to my great surprise I was completely wrong.  Well I shouldn’t say completely wrong, but I was wrong in thinking that it would be a good choice for moviestupidity. So I’ve decided to use it as an example of why I write.

Poor Miss Liberty, you're always picked on by Hollywood. Know that for me, your loves lifting me higher.

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I’d like to try something different this week.  I was walking along the grocery isles when I saw a book titled ”Eat This, Not That” and thought that the same formula could be used for movies.  I didn’t pick up the book at the time, because I didn’t connect it to movies until later that night when I got home and turned on Netflix.  I caught a movie and realized that its specific storyline had very similar elements and yet was imbued with far less stupidity than its sister.

And so we have a new segment to Movie Stupidity called “Watch This, Not That” or WTNT (What Nut) for short.  So without further ado, I give you: Watch This, Not That 1: Let the Right One In vs. Twilight.

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A while ago I started a website. I started it because the stupidity of a movie caught me off guard to such a degree that I had to put it down in words.  I found myself entertained enough to watch the film, but at the same time offended that a movie can be at the same time so flawed, and yet so well accepted.  That movie was Over the Top.  My 2^nd grade teacher informed me that I needed a better hook, and that my spelling was horrible.

Also the website was really just a word document with the words www.fuckingawesomemoviewebsiteanddragonballzfanfic.com at the top.

Also I’m pretty sure we only had a single standalone Apple IIe in the school with no functional word processing and internet.

I am terrible at false memories.

Twenty years later I saw Twilight and decided, hey I should make a stupid blog that no one will read and make fun of it.  Thus Movie Stupidity was born.  Now like a semi-retarded boxer who has been punched one too many times, I come back to the ring and offer you my review of New Moon.

(For those of you offended, by my statements please realize that my grandmother is semi-retarded and we’ve punched her one too many times, so that should justify things.)

For mortal enemies, they sure do love rubbing butts.

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I’ll have the next article up today, but I took a bit of a distraction and made something for all of you fine folk to enjoy your stupid movies to.  Check it out!

You can print out your own papercraft popcorn box!

Click Here for your very own Paper Craft Popcorn Template!

Frontragous!

Backtastic!

edit: I’ll probably clean this all up a bit and put up some assembly instructions when i’m good and damn well ready!

I’m going to actually live up to my promise and have Posts ready for you fine and currently scant readers the next two Mondays.  In a row no less!

Space.  It’s pretty big.  So big that when we’re on Earth, we seem to not realize how big it is.  We just know it as “up”.  But when you’re out there, floating on your huge revolving (In order to create artificial gravity) ship, you learn just how big space really is.  And that’s when your brain takes a shit.

Space madness is a common theme in sci-fi thrillers.  It happens when you realize that you’re alone in the universe, have your planet crop dusted with anti depressants, journey beyond the end of the universe into hell, or it could stem from the  attraction of a single button.  A beautiful shiny button.  A jolly candy-like button.

Gravity in Action!

In Pandorum it occurs when you’ve been in suspended animation for an overly extended period of time.  For me “Pandorum” set in right around the point I realized that I’d just paid 23 bucks for this piece of shit on Blue Ray.

Obviously not designed by Apple

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Thanks to the awesomely awesome Tyler Capps www.cappslock.com I have a new banner!

I’ve changed a bit of the accents too from orange to red.  Now I’d better start updating the site in order to live up to it.

Hello readers!  It feels like we’ve been apart for too long.  But I am planning on rectifying that soon by starting up once more on January 3rd.  I’ll be coming back with what started it all, a review of the newest Twilight movie.  On top of that you can look forward to a regular schedule of posts, and possible guest reviews.  I’ll be regularly posting every Monday.

In the meantime, i’d like to share some fun times i’ve had with Omegle (www.omegle.com).  Omegle randomly connects you to a stranger for chat.  It’s completely anonymous and random and thus populated with all the worlds deviants.

Warning transcripts are regularly offensive so NSFW.

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You would figure by now that people know not to attempt to make a movie based on a game, but sure enough wherever there is a quick buck to be had, then it’s time to sell out.  In this case the sellouts name is Andrew Hussie.  I’m sure you’ve probably played some of his other games, like Bard Quest, or Jail Break.  What you may not have known is that he has wrapped up production of a feature length movie entitled Problem Sleuth , and honestly, watching the movie you would have no idea that it was based off the original games.  Do you remember when Street Fighter the Movie tried to include every single character from all the games, only to end up making you not care about any of them?  Problem Sleuth doesn’t even go that far.  The original characters are hardly even cameos.  But it only gets worse from there.

I'm pretty sure the command was talking about firearms. Not actual arms. As in the firearm on your desk.

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Stupidity in the 4th movie of the Fast Furious? No way Moviestupidity!  

Yes way reader.  Yes way.

I was approached by a friend to see the midnight showing of this movie yesterday.  He knew I was not a fan, but asked me to come anyway, so I thought that in itself was a good enough reason to show up.  That and being able to write about it later.  My typing fingers practically itched as the ticket taker ripped the stub.  There I sat with my comrades in a sea of people who would actively want to get the earliest glimpse of this masterpiece.  I believe this would be the first time a theater shut off the air conditioning to a screening on account of the number of wife beaters worn through the crowd.  Upon exiting we waited around, for the parking lot to clear, and watch every single god damn movie goer revving their engines and flying out of the parking lot at breakneck speeds.  They were the fast and the furious!  Even the guys in the dropped Kia Sephia.

But this is movie stupidity so lets talk movie.  And lets not talk about the awesome dialogue, fantastic acting, or my ability to lie to you.  Lets just talk brass tacks bullshit that is Fast and Furious 4.

Vinnie D Breaking it down. Furiously!

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