I’ve been sitting on Cloverfield for a while now, promising to write a standard movie review on it.  Cloverfield is the story of a small group of people viewed from their perspective as a city is being attacked by a large Godzilla style monster.  I had watched it when it first came out in the movies, but that had been so long ago that I had only vague recollections of it being really stupid.  So I finally got a chance to watch it and to my great surprise I was completely wrong.  Well I shouldn’t say completely wrong, but I was wrong in thinking that it would be a good choice for moviestupidity. So I’ve decided to use it as an example of why I write.

Poor Miss Liberty, you're always picked on by Hollywood. Know that for me, your loves lifting me higher.

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I’d like to try something different this week.  I was walking along the grocery isles when I saw a book titled ”Eat This, Not That” and thought that the same formula could be used for movies.  I didn’t pick up the book at the time, because I didn’t connect it to movies until later that night when I got home and turned on Netflix.  I caught a movie and realized that its specific storyline had very similar elements and yet was imbued with far less stupidity than its sister.

And so we have a new segment to Movie Stupidity called “Watch This, Not That” or WTNT (What Nut) for short.  So without further ado, I give you: Watch This, Not That 1: Let the Right One In vs. Twilight.

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Hi Gang! Bebarce here with a new update. I’m instituting Irregular Guest Post Thursdays.  What are Irregular Guest Post Thursdays?  On Thursdays I may or may not post an article that either I or a guest will write.   I can’t guarantee I’ll find a guest, and I can’t guarantee that I’ll post myself, but if I do it’ll happen on Thursday.  So the word is out!  If you think you have what it takes, send me a review!

Today’s post comes from a good friend by the name of Tracy (totally not a chick) aka Metalbourne.    I’m a fan of pretty much every word he writes, even when he isn’t composing articles.  People who know him, knows that he doesn’t pull his punches. That’s why I’m thankful he lives on the complete opposite end of the country, because I don’t think he’d like the chick joke.

So enjoy Tracy’s article on 4th Kind.

(Oh and one last thing, these articles, much like my articles always contain spoilers.)

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Close your eyes.  Picture a magical and wonderful world where all dreams become reality, and reality becomes reality-er.  Each morning you are greeted with piping hot coffee, fresh strawberry pancakes, and blowjobs.  Each night is filled with the screams of beaten creditors as they’re paraded through the streets.  It truly is a world of delights, and as such, in this world I have been tasked to adapt a classical piece of literature into a movie.

Journey with me, if you will, passed my writing desk and into my mind.  Seriously enough with the pancakes and blow jobs. I don’t have all day.  Are you with me? Excellent.  Recline in the comfy La-Z boy of my mind and hear the pitch.

Roots.  Yes, Alex Haley’s classic Saga of an American Family.  Only the whole story needs a bit of work.  For instance, who’s going to follow a story about a guy named Kunte?  Toby’s nice.  We’ll keep Toby.  Toby is washed ashore on the beaches of America after a savage mutiny aboard the pirate ship of which he was captain.  Now Roots chronicles the generations of a family struggling against oppression and despair in a bid to survive, but fuck that shit, I’m going to focus on the chase scenes.  Toby and his hot ass Latino sidechick Harriet Tubs make their way to the north, escaping a wily Master Lord Calvert with their hilarious antics.  A bunch of stuff happens, there are some explosions, and the movie culminates with Toby snapping John Wilkes Booth’s neck after an intense wire fight.  Sounds terrible, doesn’t it?

Well imagine someone did that to the Three Musketeers, and to top it off put Tim Roth in a very silly hat.

17th Century France was well known for it's Polyurethane fiber mills.

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