Twilight is love story between a Male Vampire, and a Female Human. A relationship, that has obviously never been considered in prior vampire movies. Or at least that is what the trailer would suggest. In all honesty, yes the story is nothing new, but I’d say overall the movie was in fact quite tolerable. It kept the whole vampirism thing going enough for me to not be too bored by the mundane love story, while the focus on the love story kept the vampiric part of the movie from becoming just another campy pseudo-horror flick. Twilight is to Vampire Lore, as Smallville is to Superman Lore. You may hate that or love it, but for me (much like with Smallville) its just kinda entertaining to watch.

That doesn’t mean it is not without its fair share of stupidity.

Run! Yes. A Jedi's strength flows from the Force.

Imagine having all the powers of a vampire, only not having all the problems that go along with it, like dependency on human blood, loss of soul, switching to your ugly face (ala buffy), sunlight killing you, crosses burning you, etcetera, etcetera. Sound too good to be true?  Well in this movie it isn’t.  The vampires of Edward (the leads) clan all have super strength, speed, eternal life, perfect complexions, and to top it off they don’t even have to feast upon our blood.  So whats the biggest disadvantage?  You’re never feel truely quite satisfied with your meals.

Thats it.  Just slightly unsatisfied with what you eat.  I know tons married guys who live the life without the benefits.  So given all of these benefits with so few cons, what is the hold up with converting Bella?  He keeps rejecting the idea, but never truely explains why not?  Why leave the poor girl defenseless, not only to outside vampires, but your own ravenous, sometimes uncontrollable lust?  Ed why slam yourself against a wall whenever you feel the whiff of an erection coming on, when all you have to do is convert her and go wild?

Continually throughout the movie he warns Bella about the dangers of vampirism, only to then immediately point out that he can climb trees in seconds, or float, or read peoples minds, or tell the future, or some other unique power achievable only through becoming a vampire. 

The stupidest part of this sequence, was when he claims that he must show her truely what a monster he is by showing her how he looks in the sunlight.  I was expecting horns, mutation, or hell even a glimse of how old his body really should look, but no…he’s shiny.  He looks like he’s covered in diamonds.  Great job convincing a woman to not like you by showing her how much you resemble her favorite thing.  Good job showing her how much of a monster you are, by becoming more like a My Little Pony!

The only explanation I can guess at for this behavior is one that contradicts the efforts of selling this as a love story.  And that is, that aside from the intoxicating smell of her blood, Edward has no other attraction to Bella.  Were she to become a vampire, than to him, she would just be the mediocre vampire chick.  Keeping her as a human, keeps her blood tasty, which keeps him wanting her.  It means that this isn’t a love story at all, but one of vain superficiality.  It might as well have been the story of “Regular guy scores with Waitress from Hooters.”

Oh, and as a small side note of stupidity.  Hey Indians, its not a very big secret you guys are keeping if you can google it, and order a book from Amazon based on the subject.  Stupid wolf tribe.

The final, truely big error that i’ll point out is the assumption at the end of the movie that all is well. Are you fucking kidding me?  Lets review.  Vampires live for seeming etertinities with their soul mates.  James, the soulmate of victoria is dismembered and set on fire….and yet the Cullen family vampires believes she has “just ran off”.  Oh yeah, don’t worry she ran away.  Not likely too seek vengence.  No….of course not.  It’s not like this entire movie has focused on the idea of the powerful bonds these vamp folk forge.

19 Comments »

1. This site is just an excuse for you to get Sanaa to let you see a bunch of dumb movies! Actually… seems like a good idea. Good luck!

   Comment by Bob — December 3, 2008 @ 10:06 am

2. omg! thats a butcher that i agree 110% with. now i won’t go see TWILIGHT. um… ya… Terminator should be dead and gone now…

   Comment by William — December 10, 2008 @ 9:34 pm

3. It’s mentioned in the book, but not in the film, that the reason Edward doesn’t want to change Bella into a vampire (apart from the horrific pain of the transformation) is that he believes that vampires don’t have souls.

   He hates himself for being a “monster” and wants to leave Bella to live a “normal” life, but is so attracted to her that he can’t resist getting to know her better. He also likes her because he can’t read her mind so he finds her mysterious.

   Still from this you can see why he doesn’t turn her, because he already feels guilty for not being able to keep away from her and if he turned her into a vampire he would completely destroy any chance of a normal human life for her. Also he suspects the only reason she likes him is because of her natural attraction to him as a vampire.

   She would have to leave her friends and family forever and there are other consequences that become clearer in the second and third books..

   Comment by Alex — January 4, 2009 @ 4:08 am

4. Also in continuation of Alex’s comment – explaining stuff they messed up book -> movie wise, Victoria does come back but they didn’t realise that James and Victoria were bonded quite as strongly as they were shown to be.

   Also the book isn’t available on amazon in the story, she doesn’t even want a book on wolves, she was told about the wolves and she wanted a book on vampires!

   Another reason he doesn’t want to change Bella is because, as Alex said, he believes vampires don’t have souls. He doesn’t feel it would be right to take her soul from her/damn her to hell if she *does* die. Which is sweet of him

   So yes, sadly, all you say is true as regards the movie because that *is* how it comes across, 100% But there is more to it in the books – honest.

   Comment by Kate — January 13, 2009 @ 5:39 am

5. All good points, and I will give Twilight the benefit of the doubt as being a quality work of written fiction. I’ve not read the book, and I generally understand there are often inabilities to translate an entire book into a movie. Much like with LOTR you either get people complaining that you took out their favorite parts, or you add too much in so it feels like the movie should have ended 30 minutes ago.

   The problem however occurs not when a movie adaptation leaves out parts that were in the book, but when it is done in such a way that the movie by itself does not stand up to making any sense.

   Comment by Bebarce — January 13, 2009 @ 6:53 am

6. I have to write a 5page report about this book. Its for my Psychology class, how can you psychologically analyze this book in depth? Im so confused.

   Comment by Kimberly — March 17, 2009 @ 5:56 pm

7. I had great laugh on your review. I agree and keep it up.

   Comment by ievA — April 4, 2009 @ 7:27 am

8. This whole thing seems stupid, why waste your time upsetting the writer and the fans of the story, when different people have different opinions. The way this is written makes it look like you haven’t really paid much attention to it. Sorry I just don’t understand. I didn’t particularly want to watch it at first, and now I have- I am completely obsessed with it. I recommend it.

   Comment by beth — April 19, 2009 @ 6:34 am

9. Funny review
   I just watched the movie a couple days ago. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. It was entertaining, but as a 30 year old woman, I realised how I’m more at the age of “been there done that” with infatuations with Edward/Vampire/Bad Boy-type men.

   Take the vampire part out, and you get the type of man that unconsciously manipulates women’s compassion with, “Oh, you don’t want to be around me. I’m the bad guy.” Sheesh, don’t go for dudes like that and get addicted to that game or think it’s sexy of them to hold back their authentic selves with their low self-esteem. Let them do their own inner work and then maybe consider them as potential mates

   But I guess, what do you expect from a 17 year old…hey, and what’s up with a 100 year old vampire maintaining a 17-year old mentality? You think he would have learned a couple things in all that time…

   Comment by Kim — May 4, 2009 @ 11:16 pm

10. Dude bravo F’ing bravo! Best review you can possibly read about this film period!

    Anyhow while I was watching this movie I was so annoyed that he just didnt turn her into a vampire and all the other stuff you wrote in the review.

    Quote: It might as well have been the story of “Regular guy scores with Waitress from Hooters.” xD

    Comment by Henk — May 7, 2009 @ 8:14 am

11. but, why not turn her? i mean, she would live forever… and the soul thing is a non arguement, it’s based on stupidity (the inherent stupidity of thge assumtion of the existance of souls and hell and stuff)

    Comment by Huggy Bear — June 30, 2009 @ 5:44 am

12. Twilight is a thousand times better than Harry Potter. I really love this movie, it is the best movie i have ever watched.

    Comment by Foot~Detox — July 9, 2009 @ 11:39 pm

13. i love the chemistry between Kirsten Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Twlight will always be one of the best vampire-love story movies.

    Comment by | melatonin sleep aid — July 26, 2009 @ 2:19 am

14. I think all of the characters are strong, moral, literal interpreters of Christianity. Haven’t read or watched it, don’t judge me.
    Point is, if they assume immortality, death is the only immoral act they can commit.
    Until the Resurrection, I guess… Then death is inevitable, Edward’s tucked into a tidy place in Hell, so he might as well off himself soon to hope for a transfer to the suicides’ hell.

    Comment by Poody — September 12, 2009 @ 12:20 am

15. Twilight is simply the best movie and i am so much addicted to it. Kirsten Stewart is very pretty and Robery Pattinson is so handsome

    Comment by maureene — October 18, 2009 @ 2:25 am

16. The comment by Kim says it all. It was the same impression that I had when I finish this movie. And I am a man and was 28 years old at the occasion. It is just a silly story for young deluded adolescent chicks.
    This was the first post I’ve read at your blog. After that I had to read all other posts. You gave me a very good time!
    I have some suggestions for next posts: Surrogates (I think that the movie had a great idea but didn’t develop it right); also – if you don’t write exclusively about newer movies – you could write an special about Mel Gibson movies.. Take a look:
    Mad Max (1979): some punks kill all his family and he goes out killing everybody until he kills all the punks.
    Mad Max II & III (1981/5): just the sequel of the previous slaughter.
    Lethal Weapon (1987): someone kills his woman (or something like this) and he turns into a suicidal cop killing everybody. (all other lethal weapon movies are just consequence of his deranged mind)
    Braveheart (1995): someone kills his wife and he goes berserk killing everybody (it just happens that there was a war going on, but it was just coincidence).
    Payback (1999): someone mess with his prostitute and he goes berserk killing everybody.
    The Patriot (2000): someone kills his son and he goes berserk killing everybody (it just happens that there was a war going on…)

    Comment by Human — October 19, 2009 @ 6:57 pm

17. Oh, my gosh, Twilight was a terrible movie made from a mediocre book. The thing that really gets me though, is that it is completely ripped off from a great book series- Anne Rice’s the Vampire Chronicles- and then toned down and sappified and basically removed of everything good so that it would be “appropriate for younger audiences.” The blatant unoriginality and blandness makes me want to throw up- sparkly vampires my ass!

    Comment by LailaV — December 23, 2009 @ 12:18 am

18. Psychology is one of the most interesting branches of science because there are so many unknowns..;:

    Comment by Allison Hill — May 23, 2010 @ 9:45 pm

19. i am a b.s. pyschology student myself and i love pyschology because we are studying the behavior of humans..:-

    Comment by Amelia Gray — July 27, 2010 @ 5:51 pm

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