Let me start this off by pointing out that I did not read the book.  Before people tell me I should read the book, or that the movie does not properly reflect the book, I need to point out myself that this is first and foremost a movie.  I’ll be discussing the movie, as if it were independent from any source material, because that is what movies are meant to be.  Seperate from the source material.  

True movies will try to keep as close to the original story as possible, or sometimes they’ll turn your blond middle aged antihero into Keanu fucking Reeves, but the people who make these movies are selling the movies to the mass public.  While you don’t want to alienate the readers, the actual target is anyone that fits a demographic, and likes a genre of film.  

So I’ll be the first to admit that I have not read Eragon, nor can I testify to the books quality.  With regards to the movie Eragon, I’ll paraphrase one of my favorite Critics (Jay Sherman) if was a mixture of Fantasy and Crap.

Eragon is Fantocrap.

Can you find a poutier cast than that of Eragons? Even the fucking dragon's pouty!

Let me tell you a story.  Long ago there was an order of knights who nobly defended all who needed defending, until one day a knight with great promise turned traitor.  He slayed many other knights and in the end set up an Empire.  Now many years later a young farmer find a message from a princess in trouble.  He meets up with the one of the last remaining knights of the order, and learns that he too will one day become a knight.  Upon returning home he finds his family has been slain, so he must travel with the aged knight on a journey to a Rebel Base.  On his journey he learns more about his abilities,  and gets into a few close encounters until he finds out that there is a chance to save a princess from the Empires stronghold, only to have his new master die in order to defend him.    So he the princess, and a rogue that joined them along the way eventually reach the rebel base only to find that the Empire now threatens it.  The day is saved during an aerial combat sequence when the young knight takes down the Emperors Number 2 man.

Of course you guys know I’m talking about Star Wars.

But honestly no, I was talking about Eragon.  Replace Force with Dragon powers, and you have a shitty watered down fantasy mock up of a sci fi classic.  Who needs it?  Fantasy dorks already have their epic with LOTR, they don’t need to mooch off of star wars.

Eragon.  Even the name annoys me.  It looks like Dragon, but with an E, as if he were the Electronic equivalent of handling all things dragon related.  He is being hunted down by Galbatorix, which sounds like the next big Internet innovation that google will soon be acquiring.  

Now Galbatorix knows exactly when Eragon achieves his powers, and furthermore seems to know exactly where he is at all times.  But rather than taking care of a prophesied one from the start, he first decides to work up the chain of command.   Why so grumpy Galby? If you wanted the little bastard dead you should have jumped onto your 10 times larger dragon, and made light work of him before he learned all his special powers.  Instead you went the Bowser from Mario Brothers approach and look where it got you.  Dead shade, raped army.

Now the Varden live is a mountain stronghold.  Blocked by what appears to be a single stone door.  Populated by a few hundred people who up until recently did not have a dragon rider.  The city they live in appears to be an immense stronghold, and for so few rebel members, it suggests that either they adopted this city, or they are the last remnants of a once great city.  Who’s entire commerce had to at one point travel through a single stone store through a waterfall.  

It wasn’t even very secretive.  The emperors fucking son knew exactly where it was.  And it’s obviously within a day’s travel from the empire stronghold.  Too bad the emperor didn’t have a way of getting some kind of aerial view of the surrounding territory to discover where they live.  Oh  wait, he did, because he owns a fucking dragon.  Or if that wasn’t enough his number 2 in command flies around on a smoke bat thing.  Seriously how hard was it to squash these guys?  

Now that is an odd trick of fantasy realms.  It took a slow moving army 1 day to march to the same place it took a dragon multiple days to fly to.  Travel distance shortens and lengthens depending on who’s traveling it.

In the end, I can’t find anything I like with Eragon, and I’m a fan of the Fantasy genre.  There is no emotional connection to the characters, the story feels like a weak attempt at making a fantasy Star Wars, and the execution was just terribly done.   Eragon was simply forgettable.

10 Comments »

1. Well, the original book was written by a fifteen year old kid.

   So this review is hardly surprising.

   Comment by zgeycp — March 12, 2009 @ 2:44 pm

2. Sadly, the movie is very true to the original book.

   It really is that bad.

   It’s even worse when you realize that Paolini has a hard-on for purple prose.

   Comment by Marelo — March 12, 2009 @ 5:13 pm

3. This movie was the first exposure I’d had to a movie so bad it was bad. Being based on a book that at the very least had action and humour, it was a rude shock to the system.

   To this day, I cannot read the books for fear of being reminded of the movies.

   Comment by Marcello — March 17, 2009 @ 3:50 am

4. The only fun I had watching this movie was singing the \Trogdor The Burninator\ theme song.

   Comment by Burninator 20X6 — May 6, 2009 @ 11:29 pm

5. For some reason, I never noticed the Star Wars similarity when reading the book, but now that I’ve had it pointed out, it is glaringly obvious. I remember enjoying the (book format) sequel to Eragon, as well as the more recent third installment in the series, but I don’t think they are as derivative of The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi (respectively) as Eragon was of A New Hope. (This might be because I just didn’t notice the similarities, even though they actually exist) Eragon (movie format) could have been done SO MUCH better, it dissapointed everyone I know who had seen it. I’ll bet the author, despite the fact that he basically fantasy-ized one of the most well known films of all time and got away with it, didn’t like it.

   Comment by McWalter — June 8, 2009 @ 5:45 pm

6. I Had read Eragon and Eldest before The Movie Came out. At first I was excited about it but i wtched it i was insulted and ashamed, The Movie Barley related to the book and Missed Important Plot points not to mention it seemed as if the director or who ever wrote the scrypt was guessing how the story was meant to go by some cliff notes. For future Reftrence to all those who have seen the movie but not read the books.

   The book are amazing I cant stop reading them I havent read anything this much i loved since the harry potter Books. Yes I am huge book worm. The books are worth giving a try despite the movie.

   happy reading and watching

   Jex X

   Feel free to email me any comments you may have im open to critisism and opinions =D

   Jex1990@hotmail.co.uk

   Comment by Jexxie — August 18, 2009 @ 6:26 pm

7. Nice book, nice movie.

   Comment by Maciek — October 11, 2009 @ 4:46 am

8. Eragon is a good movie! alwaýs remember y´that no mather what other say… in am a danish girl who have reed and seen the movie and even thoug there is some differenties the story is stil good and i miss the konfidence to numer 2. why havent they made the film yet? they need to know that what they did to number 1 is really good but the timing whas bad. they could not have predicted this! they need to keep faith in whatthey do cause it is noot bad! hugs Rikke

   Comment by Rikke Thygensen — December 11, 2009 @ 5:58 pm

9. Eragon is a good movie! alwaýs remember that no mather what other say… in am a danish girl who have reed and seen the movie and even thoug there is some differenties the story is stil good and i miss the Confidence to number 2. why havent they made the film yet? they need to know that what they did to number 1 is really good but the timing whas bad. they could not have predicted this! they need to keep faith in what they do cause it is noot bad! hugs Rikke

   Comment by Rikke Thygensen — December 11, 2009 @ 6:02 pm

10. Although I disagree with your review, I’d like to see you write one on twilight.
    because as much as I did disagree, that was freaking hilareous.

    Comment by Kit — May 15, 2010 @ 10:24 am

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