I find it ironic, that a movie regarding magic the written word, has given me the spirit to write only to make fun of how stupid the movie actually was. Don’t let Alanis Morrisette tell you any different.

Inkheart commits a crime that goes beyond your normal stupidity found in a movie. It blatantly disregards a common and obvious question throughout the entirety of the feature, only to use that obvious question as a resolution at its end. Imagine a story of a building burning down, only to have the end resolved by a man who suggests the use of water to put it out.

Still, I’ve got to thank the movie. It has me writing again.

Inkheart is the story of a man known as a Silver Tongue. He is a person with the ability to make real, the words in which he reads out loud. His realization of said power comes when he accidentally summons the characters from a novel read to his child. Two of the characters, Capricorn and Darius, are quite evil, while the third character, Dustfinger, is simply a hero of dubious nature (think Matthew Broderick in Ladyhawke). His wife vanishes into the book. The mechanics behind this odd magic requires that when something arrives in this world, a person must enter the book. You would assume this is a one to one ratio as occurs through most of the movie, but the beginning marks the arrival of 3 men with only one female disappearing into the book. The silver tongue (Mo) is continually hunted by these two villains as they attempt to use his gift for nefarious means. The bulk of the story takes place 12 years later with his daughter in tow, constantly traveling to find a second copy of the book, and evading their pursuers.

Can you imagine that? Twelve years of being on the run, trying to escape 2 madmen. Longing for your wife, and emotionally scarring your daughter. The lie that he had to keep for 12 whole years. The pain he had to endure,…

all the while having the gift to MAKE FUCKING REAL WHAT HE READS!!!

Not 5 minutes after the event occurred I would have composed and read aloud the following;

I would have then proceeded to live the rest of my “amazing blow job receiving, multi-trillionare, ruler of the world” life in relative peace and happiness.

This doesn’t occur in the movie. Not until the end anyway, when he and his daughter (who also acquires this power) realize they can just write whatever they’re reading. This could have even happened earlier had the original writer of the story (within the movie) had simply accepted a less than perfect alternate ending to his work, rather than toiling away for precious hours.

There were several other minor instances of stupidity throughout the movie, but really with this big one looming overhead why even worry about them. Still I guess it’s my duty to describe them.

Again the mechanics of this magic is horribly flawed. Object apparently don’t require a “sacrifice”, but characters do. It seems that there is no ratio, to how many people appear, or how many disappear into the story.

If the mother was sent into the story, that would have to mean that the story itself actually changed to include her. Otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to get read back out. If that were true than these changes would have to effect the story. For a book out of print and out of site, the addition of a character or subtraction of an element may go unnoticed. But if adding a character to a story changes the story for all publications, than the reverse should occur and those removed from the story should be removed from all editions of the story. If true, the exclusion of a raft from Huckleberry Finn would sure come up as an oddity.

How do two minor evil characters from a book, brought completely out of their element and with no real assets, find the resources to hunt down a 2nd “silver tongue” regardless of his imperfections. The rest (castle, residents) I guess I can attribute to the acquisition of said “silver tongue”. Would that not suggest a degree of commonness of “silver tongues” that would have been far more likely to exist.

How does one of the 40 thieves (of Ali Baba and the 40 thieves) get pulled into our world, understand and speak fluent English, and yet still have an accent. At one point he describes stealing her “photo”, which I’m pretty sure was a technology not available during his stories period.

Why not just wish Dustfinger’s wife into the real world, rather than have him sent back to his where he is likely to die.

Lets face it with a power akin to the one he has, the endless possibilities makes all actions taken within the movie pointless.

7 Comments »

1. Weird, objects and people did require equivalent sacrifices in the book.

   I never got too far into it, though, and it sounds like I might as well not bother.

   Comment by zgeycp — February 11, 2009 @ 4:47 pm

2. The book made sense as far as it is possible for that entire concept to work…evidently they sacrificed explanations in favor of cramming the entire plot in.

   Comment by pd — February 17, 2009 @ 10:40 pm

3. I never saw the movie, but, in my opinion, the book doesn’t have any of the stupidity issues you found in the big screen adaptation, and I agree wholeheartedly with the two previous comments. The book itself was pretty dang good, I re-read it once or twice. However, it’s not the kind of book I would want to see made into a film, seeing as the entire plot, concept, and most of the characters revolve around the “magic” one can experience through the written word. It would be like reading a picture free book about how best to draw lifelike sketches. There are some books that are meant to be made into films, and some that are meant to be left in their original format; Inkheart is the absolute example of the latter.

   Comment by McWalter — June 8, 2009 @ 5:37 pm

4. Why must you be an insufferable prick? Just enjoy the fucking movie and stop complaining about the plot holes.

   Better yet, write your own movie and see if you can make it without a single moment where somebody thinks it’s stupid or sees a flaw. If you’re so good at finding flaws, then you’d be perfect to write a book which lacks them.

   Seeing as how your a fucking genius.

   Comment by Lauren — March 20, 2010 @ 10:23 pm

5. Might I add the fact that there is magic in the first place is a huge fucking plot whole because magic isn’t even real. So, there. The article is much less shorter and a lot less whiny.

   Comment by Lauren — March 20, 2010 @ 10:24 pm

6. I guess I should respond to a few of these comments. I’ve mentioned it in other spots, but I understand people will some times only read the article that interests them. Basically I understand that a movie based on a book is often times not an accurate portrayel of the quality of the book. But a movie based on a book still should be a good movie. One should always TRY to make a good movie, regardless of its origin.

   That is what i’m reviewing. The movie, and not the story. So I always consider them two completely different forms of media, and will not relate the quality of one to the other.

   Now with regards to my intentions with the movies themselves, I’d like to point out, that I do actually often enjoy the movies I make fun of. Not always, but my actual preferences are really just a side note to the articles core. I can enjoy something, and still think it’s completely stupid. My intention is simple. Point out the stupidity of a movie. Usually this is specifically related to illogical issues. While I can understand errors occur in logic during regular life, often times the movies I review demand that you suspend your belief that a person would have acted in a simple manner to resolve an issue. It’s like being locked out of a building and deciding to scale the side, before trying other doors. The actions taken often far exceed the necessary, or blatantly go against reason. In this case, if you have the ability to read something and make it happen, how long do you think it would take you to come up with trying to read something you yourself have written? 20 minutes? 3 hours? 5 days? If it’s anything short of 12 years than you can see why this movie is so stupid. But hell i’m a big fan of Brendan Fraser.

   End goal if the sky was the limit? If this ever became popular enough, I’d hope that the mentality would carry over with people as they enter the theater. People can demand intelligent entertainment. Demand more from the entertainers. Demand they not see a gaping flaw and just glause over it with explosions. Intelligent entertainment. Imagine that.

   thanks for calling me a fucking genius.

   Comment by Bebarce — March 22, 2010 @ 11:18 am

7. I think that the movie is not half as good as the book but, if you want all those questions answered then READ THE BOOK! (which is much better, and should have stayed as a book.)

   ‘Why not just wish Dustfinger’s wife into the real world, rather than have him sent back to his where he is likely to die.’ – Because Dustfinger wanted to go back HOME he HATED our world he didnt just wanna go bck to his wife he wanted to go back to his home the inkworld, and he don’t believe that the writer of his book tells his fate.

   and if you read the book all the other problems with the movie will be answered in the book.

   Comment by kathy — July 21, 2010 @ 12:43 am

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